


The Broadchurch Files

by rexisnotyourwriter



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Loch Ness Monster, The X-Files References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 18:18:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7372477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rexisnotyourwriter/pseuds/rexisnotyourwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s another body on the beach, and the Former Detectives Club is on the case. Alec tries to come to terms with the possibility of Nessie being real, as Miller makes endless X Files jokes and the Press has a field day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Broadchurch Files

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a conversation with Scout and Christine and Scout's pic set (http://hardythehermitcrab.tumblr.com/post/146790895368/broadchurch-series-3-au-theres-another-body-on)

There was a body on the beach.  Again.  The pit in Hardy’s stomach churned when he heard those words for the second time in his life, twice too many.  He sighed deeply, bracing himself for the words that follow.

“It’s not like that,” the Chief Superintendent said.

There was something off about her tone.  

“I have to deal with the press.  Just get to the beach.”

She hung up.

Hardy stared at his phone.  Ellie stared at Hardy, waiting impatiently for an explanation.

“Well?”

He tucked his phone back inside his pocket and rested his hands on his hips.

“We have to go to the beach.”

His tone conveyed the words he didn’t say.

“Oh God, no,” Ellie said softly.  “No.”

“You don’t have to come.”

“Like hell I don’t.”

Before the words had left her mouth, she started making a beeline for the car, keys in hand.  He slid into the passenger seat.  Neither said a word.

The media got there first.  By the time Hardy and Miller arrived on the scene, constables were still trying to manage the crowds and shield the scene on the beach from the cameras.  

Everything was too familiar - the murmurs of the crowd, the smell of suntan lotion and body odor as they made their way through them, the way the sand gave way under their feet, their eyes forced to squint in the sunlight.  The scene was closed off by a stark white tent that grew larger with each step they took towards it.  They braced themselves for the worst.

Dirty Brian stepped out of the tent, careful not to open the flap wide enough for anyone to see inside.  His face was painted with disbelief.

The detectives approached him, expecting a briefing on the situation.  He just took a deep breath and shook his head.  Now that they were closer to the tent, Hardy could smell what he assumed was inside it - the putrid aroma of salt water soaked flesh amplified by the heat of the sun.  The body can’t have been on the beach long, but if it washed up, who knows how long it was in the water for.  

Ellie closed her eyes.  The smell and the setting were overwhelming.  

Brian wiped his glistening brow with the edge of his arm.

“Probably best you see this one for yourselves.”

Hardy and Miller exchanged a look.  She nodded; Hardy led the way.  

A wave of heat and the saturated smell of the body washed over them as soon as they entered, but it only bothered them for a brief moment before the shock of the sight of the body took over.  

They prepared themselves for the worst, but not the weirdest.  It was a body alright, well sort of.  The flesh had been stripped with the exception of the sparse bits that clung to the exposed bone.  In the middle of the skeleton at the abdomen was the colorful, twisted pile of organs.  

It wasn’t human.  It was an animal - almost.  The span from head to tail was at least three meters, if not more.  The neck was elongated, appendages short.  The skull is what really gave them chills.  It looked prehistoric with long sharp fangs jutting up from the jaw surrounded by smaller but equally as sharp teeth.  

Hardy darts out of the tent and almost runs straight into Brian.

“What the bloody hell is this?”

Brian looked over his shoulder at the crowd before leaning in closer to Hardy.

“Press is saying it’s Nessie.”

“Nessie?”

“Yeah, you know, the Loch-”

“Very funny, Miller,” Hardy growled through his teeth, turning to give her the full brunt of his outrage.

“What?”

“This is in pretty poor taste, don’t you think?”

“What the hell are you getting on me about for?  I didn’t do this!”

He shook his head in disbelief.

“If you’re lying-”

“What the hell is wrong with you? ‘Course I’m not lying.”

He shot a glare at Brian.  He put his hands up in defense.

“I got the call about it, same as you.”

“Do you know what day it is today?” Hardy asked them.

“Saturday,” Ellie replied.

“No, date.”

It clicked.

“First of April,” Brian said.  “But-”

“What a bastard,” Ellie said.

“Who?” Hardy asked.

“Whoever did this.  Could it have been the Chief Superintendent?  Seems pretty cruel for her.”

“Whoever it is, we’ll find them.”

“D’you think they did it because you’re, you know.”

“Because I’m what?”

“Scottish.”

“Detectives,” Brian interjected.  

“What?” 

“It’s just that-”

He paused, fiddling with the corner of an empty evidence bag in his hand.

“Coroner had a quick look already and, well, it doesn’t seem to be a joke.”

“What do you mean?” Ellie asked.  “This can’t possibly be real.”

“It is.  He took some samples back to the lab to confirm, but those are real bones and real organs and real blood.  It’s not fake.”  

“Why did we get brought into this?” Hardy asked.  “It’s not a murder, it’s not even a crime scene.”

“Who else would you call for this sort of thing?  Chief Superintendent wanted the situation and press under control, mostly.  It’s a fucking field day over there.”

Hardy turned around and in the short time they had been there at least a dozen more news trucks had pulled up and the crowd had grown double in size.  

His phone buzzed in his pocket.  It was the Chief Superintendent again.

“Hi,” he answered.

Silence.

“I’m assuming you’ve seen it,” she said.

“Yeah.  We’ve seen it.”

“Not exactly something easy to explain on the phone.”

“Not something easy to explain at all.”

“We need you and Miller back at the station.  Some of the test results should be done soon and we need to prepare for a briefing with the press.”

“This has to be a prank.”

She let out a short, exhausted breath.

“It’s looking less and less likely that that’s the case.”

“We’ll be there shortly.”

“Be prepared.  The building is swarmed with press.  Nothing is to be commented on.”

“Right.”

He hung up.

“Let’s go.”

 

The ride back to the station was the opposite of the way there.  There was hardly a moment of silence between them, mostly thanks to Miller.

“I wonder what she was doing out here,” she pondered aloud.

“She?”

“Nessie.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake-”

“What?  You saw it!  And you heard Dirty Brian; It’s not fake.”

“The bones and bits aren’t fake, but that doesn’t mean it’s the Loch Ness monster.”

“Don’t tell me you’ve  _ never _ believed in it.”

His chest rose and fell as he breathed in deeply and exhaled through his nose.  They went to the loch when he was a kid, his family.  It was a rare scorching hot day, hot enough that it made Hardy want to cool off in the glistening water.  It was colder than he expected, but the deeper he went, the more he adjusted.  He swam farther out than he could stand.  Though it was a bright, clear day, the water was still dark; he couldn’t even see his legs underneath the water.  He couldn’t see the thing that had touched his leg either, but he felt it.  Thick skin, not slimy like a fish or scaly like a snake, but almost like a hide.  It was as if the back of the beast had swam right under his foot, from head to tail.  The firmness of the skull, then the slight bumps of each vertebra, all the way to the thinning and tip of the tail.  It wasn’t the temperature of the water that gave him chills the rest of the day and anytime he thought of it afterwards.  The sight of the skeleton on the beach had made the hairs on his neck stand on end.  

“Can we drop it?”

“Of course not!  This is our case.”

“This is ridiculous.”

“Look at us though!  We’re like The X Files.  Mulder and Scully.”

“If you start calling me Mulder-”

“‘Course I won’t,” she said.  “You’re obviously Scully.”

“Whatever you say, Spooky Miller.”

She grinned.  

Her amusement was dampened by their arrival at the station.  The entire car park was full of news vans.  Press littered the way to the entrance like a protest, darting towards their car as Miller pulled into a reserved stall.  

“Don’t say anything to them.  Not a word,” Hardy ordered.

They got out of the car.  Hardy let Ellie lead the way so he could block the path behind her.  It was worse than it was with Danny.  Worse than Sandbrook.  It was fucking ridiculous.  

Hardy fought the urge to punch a camera lens that got too close to his face.  He may have closed the door to the station quickly behind him causing an overzealous reporter’s foot to get caught between it and the door frame, though.  It looked enough like an accident.  

The Chief Superintendent was waiting for them in her office.  She wasn’t alone.  

“Have a seat,” she said.

Hardy and Miller sat down in the two empty seats next to Maggie and Oliver, who were looking rather smug.  

“What is this?” Hardy asked.

“We’re only dealing with local news on this matter.  There will be an open statement to the other outlets later.”

He scoffed.

“I can assure you we don’t intend to sensationalize anything.  Just the facts,” Maggie said.

“It makes sense, you see,” Oliver chimed in.  “If you don’t talk to anyone, then they’ll just speculate and cause panic.”

“Oh yeah, and you won’t?”

“We are the local news for this story and it only makes sense that we be the most accurate and informed.”

“We need to keep this situation under control,” the Chief Superintendent said.  “Constantly keeping all the news outlets up to date is time consuming and frankly a nuisance.  This is at least manageable and will provide some comfort and consistency.”  

Hardy remained visibly unconvinced.  

“You have my word,” Maggie said sincerely.  

“It’s not you I’m concerned about.”

“Hey!” Oliver interjected.

Ellie gave him a motherly look.

“Alright, I’m sorry,” he said.  “I’ve changed though, I promise.  Only the facts.”

“And nothing gets reported without my approval,” Maggie reminded him.

“Yeah.”

“Fine,” Hardy muttered.  

Maggie and Oliver flipped to a fresh page on their notebooks and clicked their pens.  

“If you make one Scottish joke, I swear-”

“We promise,” Oliver said, but not without the hint of a snicker he was desperately trying to hold inside.  

“Scot’s honor?” Ellie asked with a smirk.

Even the Chief Superintendent couldn’t hide a smile.  


End file.
